THE GUESTS greeted the wedding party on a chessboard dancefloor outside the Gothic-style carriage house and it was soon apparent this was not your average Brit wedding. For a start the poor British groomsmen weren't allowed to bury their embarrassment with copious amounts of strong booze before getting up to make speeches, or take to the dancefloor. Danny Boy, the Poipes the Poipes, entered like Peter Kay, the British Comedian who does a good impression of kids at a wedding party. Still accompanied by his harem, he leapt high in the air and I was quite expecting him to slide along on his knees too. The other groomsmen had to make similar choreographed entrances, although I'm not quite sure who did the Choreography but they won't be invited onto Strictly Come Dancing very soon. Then the bride and groom followed and had their first dance, even before the speeches.
By this time I was tucking into a nice little tipple called Bridal Bliss, which contained Vodka, Cranberry and Selzer and was going a little way to easing my stomach still suffering as I was from the hangover which had been painstakingly nurtured the night before. The dancing was good, the music a bit too American middle of the road, though some of the formation dancing moves of our fellow guests were something to behold. I wondered for a second if we could return the favour by performing that 70s hit Tiger Feet by the group Mud but I somehow doubted the DJ had it.
Anyway, the night wore on, there was a little film in which Sufia and Nick explained how they met, then we were all handed sparklers so that we could made a guard of honour as the bride and groom led the way to the American Picture House next door. Thank God none of the stray "sparkles" fell on Sufia's dress or we would have been reaching for the fire extinguishers pretty quickly.
So on to next door and the highlight of the night. The band, Three Dog Dare, invited anyone who fancied their chances as a performer to take to the stage and that is when Nick took over on drums and Sufia belted a couple of rocky numbers into the microphone. Splendid stuff and so was the rest of the party even though the Wonderful Withers formerly of WoS whimped out early looking in a rather poor condition and the Fabulous Baker Boy announced four times he was leaving only to get as far as the bar. By the end of the night his Mick Jagger was losing its swagger but British and American relations were certainly getting on splendidly on the dancefloor. Some of Sufia's loyal friends took to the stage with her to belt out a few numbers and the night finished with the band returning for an encore of Honky Tonk Women, which went down fantastically with us Jagger impersonators.
As we filtered out shortly after 2 - some of us having lost our voices and others having lost any notion of who they were or where they were - it was time to say our goodbyes and wrap up the Wedding of the Century. At least, until the next one comes along...
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